DEFICIENT Eric AU
by XOdannieXO
Summary: 'I cannot for the sake of god figure out what it is that makes you so special.' I am briefly met by his hardened gaze as he pushes my body further into the ground; his breath is shallow as I am looked down upon. Eric's blue eyes that always seems cold yet held a certain warmth looked into my own as I watched his every move.
1. Chapter 1

The atmosphere in Amity has always been a light one. Faction members run around with no care in their world. It always amazed me how they could feel chipper all the time. I for one cannot do that. Something inside just prevents me from being happy all the time. I had asked my mother when I was younger. She told me that it was just a phase I was going through. I was ten back then but I am sixteen now. The feeling doesn't't stop. It is not a phase that I will overcome. It is something else; something I cannot put my finger on right now.

The sun shines bright through the clear glass of the custom shaped windows in my room. I sit on the window sill as my gaze overlooks the endless acres of grass that cover most of Amity's ground. I see my faction in the far back; each carrying a basket in which they thrown the corn in. A faint melody reaches my ear through the open window and I close my eyes while leaning my head against the wall behind it. I let the music take me to a world that nobody could reach me in.

''Alana.'' The sudden voice of my mother rips me from my thoughts. She stands tall in my door; her hips placed on her hips. ''What are you still doing sitting around, dear? You have to get to school before you are late.''

Her chastising words linger in the conversances of my room. My gaze travels around the bare walls that I wanted to paint a long time ago. Being in Amity would automatically mean I would have to paint it red or yellow. I don't want to do that. I would rather have it a nice hue of blue that reminds me of the endless freedom in the sky. How much I would give to be able to fly; to fly away from all the cares in the world.  
''Go take a shower, yes? I will prepare breakfast.'' She turns to leave. I sit and watch as my mother walks down the sets of stairs that led her into my room. Her blonde hair is braided and thrown over her shoulder while she wore her usual work attire; yellow dungarees which cover her red sweater, an old hat her father had left her behind and the usual red and yellow shoes.

I decide with a final sigh that it would be best for me to go and get a shower, just as mother had suggested me to do. Stepping out of my clothes I unbind my hair out of its braid and let it flow past my shoulder down to the little of my back. I can feel the ends of the reddish brown colored strand tinkle at my waist as I climb into the tub to regulate the water. When it finally reaches its wanted temperature I stand under it. The heave stream of hot water feels relaxing on the tense muscles of my back. Just like any other Amity member I had woken up early today to go and work on the fields. It is something that we are taught from an early age. Here we are never alone; everyone but me. While the other members actually enjoy the company of each other, I cannot help but avoid contact with them. I run a hand through the wet strands of my hair. It had grown long over the years. I cannot remember the last time it has been cut.

After having washed myself I turn off the water and wrap one of the many towels around my body. Securing it so it doesn't fall I step out and place myself in front of the mirror. The flat surface is covered in a slight mist of fog as I stand in front of it trying to catch a glimpse of my reflection. It feels as if I am in Abnegation, where they aren't allowed to look at their reflection. I had asked mother one time why they did that. She couldn't tell me but she assumed that it had something to do that Abnegation members do not cherish the thought of acting out of vanity. Abnegation members are weird. They wear grey clothes because they do not want to differ from anybody else in their faction. They treat each other with the same amount of respect.

They are selfless, something I cannot claim to be.

Mother stands in front of the stove as I walk down the stairs. The sweet scent of maple syrup fills my nostrils and I can feel the insides of my mouth began to salivate. Without further ado I seat myself at the table and wait for mother to drop the plate of pancakes in front of me. I run my fingers along the complicated stitches of the laces tablecloth. It is very well detailed to the last point and I have to wonder how long it took the person to finish this delicate work.

''I hope you don't mind, but we will not manage to drop you off at school today.'' I nod my head in silence and look at the filled plate in her hands. ''How do you feel about today?''

Her answer is met by silence. I do not know what to answer her. How do I feel about today? Since I have turned sixteen a while ago I am now allowed to participate in the choosing ceremony, the ceremony that would change my life forever. Either I stay in Amity and lead my life as it is or I change factions and leave everything I know behind. Just thinking of the decision I have to make, makes my head spin. It is something I want to postpone for as long as I can.

I shrug my shoulders as I take one of the sweet goods off the plate. Drizzling a good amount of the maple syrup on top I begin to cut tiny pieces I would be able to place in my mouth without making a mess.

''Look at me Alana.'' The fork in my hand stops mid-air, the piece of the mixture of flour and eggs not reaching my taste buds. Placing the utensil down I face my mother. Her big brown eyes look at me in concern as she follows my every move.

''Today will help you to decide want you are going to choose.'' She begins. ''And I want you to know that no matter what you choose, your father and I will always love you, do you hear that?''

Feeling a lump in my throat I nod my head, too afraid that my voice would crack if I spoke to soon. Mother reaches across the table and places a warm hand on top of my own. I do not recoil. I sit and watch as the soft skin caresses my own.

''Eat up, you have to leave in a little''

After I finish my breakfast I head upstairs to quickly brush my teeth before I leave for school. Today our neighbors, the Johnsons, will take me to school, seeing as they have a son that is a year below me. Next year it will be his turn to choose. Oh what I would give to have another year to decide. But who am I kidding. I had sixteen years to prepare myself for this. They have told us on many occasions that we would have to think about it. Either we would stay in the factions we are born into or we change. But as easy as the task may sound I cannot help but feel heaviness being pressed onto my chest. The thought of choosing is too much for me to handle at the moment. Shoving the thought aside I put on my shoes and walk towards our neighbors' truck.

The drive to school isn't long and before I know it we are making our way towards the grey building. I can feel my heartbeat picking up as I near the edifice of our school. Five doors are shut in front of it, each holding one of the five symbols that represent our factions. Five factions that each holds a virtue they respect and seek to perfect.

To the far left I see mostly black and white; those are Candor. Candor is the faction in which they teach you to be an open book. Every detail of your life is out in the open.

Next to Candor I see Abnegation. Out of everyone here they stand out like a sore thumb as each stand two at a time in the line. My eyes travel down their body and I take in the various shades of grey they are covered in. In Abnegation they value selflessness the most. That is why our government is mostly ruled by members of Abnegation. Because of their trusting and selfless nature they do not tend to act out in jealousy or rage as some other faction members would.

Next to Abnegation the blue clothes of Erudite catches my eyes. The Erudite are the smart ones in our society. It is wisdom and the pursuit of knowledge that they value the most. They do seem harmless at first but do not let yourself be fooled. Erudites are witty and know how to defend themselves if needed. It is why I do not understand why those two factions were placed together I do not know. Ever since Marcus Eaton has become Head of Government, the Erudite made it their jobs to bring Abnegation down, whether it was with simple acts of kindness or even ruthless articles that lash out at the aging man in grey.

Next to the Erudite the spot is empty but the symbol above the door tells me which factions should be standing in front of it. The flames of the Dauntless fire burn bright in my eyes as I hear the certain rush pass by, causing my hair to move with the motion. Seconds pass before the sound of a familiar horn rings in my ears. The train arrives but it does not stop. Several Dauntless members jump off the train, gleeful laughter escaping their lips before they land on the softness of the green grass. My lips spread into a smile as I take in their mostly black colored outfits. I see some accentuation of red or yellow but they are mostly covered in black. A lot of them have tattoos hiding under those clothes. But some show theirs freely. I have always admired how carefree the Dauntless members seemed to be. Everywhere they went there would be fun and adventure. I could feel the hair at the nape of my neck stand on end as I watch the group of hellions run towards their given place.

As the Dauntless stop my gaze moves forward. At the very right I hear the gleeful chatter of Amity before I can actually see them. Dressed in yellow or red I can see them lounge on the ground, strumming on guitars as each little group seems to sing their own little songs. But is that what Amity is all about? Being happy and singing stupid songs all day long? I shake my head as I take all the factions in. Each faction withholds something worth living for. But how can one decide which they want to value the most?

The warm ruffles through the long tresses of my hair before I feel my feet start moving. I am uncertain where to stand. If I choose to stand with Candor I will have to be honest in every situation of my life. I cannot do that. I won't do it. I am not made for Candor, I lie too much. If I choose to stand with Abnegation I will have to be selfless. I fear that I may not be able to do that either. There are often times where I do act selfish and do not think about anybody but myself. I do not stand with Abnegation but I neither stand with Erudite nor with Dauntless.

For now I stand with Amity. Their laughter rings in the air as I walk towards them, the light sundress I had put on before I left the house waving in the wind behind me. The soles of my shoes leave behind a clicking sound in the air before they completely still. While standing with my faction I seem to drown in it. I do not stand out like I had before. I am one of many. I am happy. I am Amity.


	2. Chapter 2

The heavy doors in front of us open with a loud groan as the chipped wood is dragged across the stone ground. People start moving but I cannot find it in myself to follow them. Once I cross the threshold I am going to walk down the hallway into the auditorium and listen to one of the Abnegation leaders hold their usual speech. After two years you would think that they would change it. But that isn't the case. Each year it is the same. We walk into the room and sit down. We listen to one of the members and then we go into the simulation that will tell us in which faction we belong.

I sigh before I can feel my legs without my consent. Fearing that nothing good will come from the test, I don't want to go inside. The dress I am wearing flutters in the wind as I make my way through the door. The feeling I get once I pass under it is indescribable. A shudder runs down the length of my back and my hair at the nape of my neck stands on edge. The inside of the school is buzzing with students that try to reach their classes in time. Others, on the other hand, linger at their lockers not caring an ounce if they arrive later than the teacher. I stand still for a second as I overlook the scene. Not even second ago we were all standing separately. Each of us knew where we have to stand and how to act. But now that we are in the familiar interior of the school it is changed. Black, blue, red and yellow, shades of grey seem to mix and fuse into one big clutter of colors. It was hard to differentiate the different factions but once to adapt to it, it is rather easy to tell them apart.

Feeling somebody nudge me from behind, I start moving again. The beating of my heart increases as I near the main room. _Take a breath Lana_. By the time I sit down on one of the many seat I can feel my heart racing. Today is the aptitude test, and tomorrow is the Choosing Ceremony. That means after the test I only have 24hours before I have to have my mind set. My eyes travel around the room trying to get in as much as possible before I had to leave. I took in the grey walls and the grey ground. Even the seats were a shade of grey. It made me wonder if Abnegation had something to do with the coloring.

''Attention please!''

The heavy voice of a mean interrupts my thoughts and every other commotion in the room. We all fall silent as we wait for him to precede his speech. I look him over as he starts to open his mouth that is made of rather thin and chapped lips. His grey clothes give away that he is from Abnegation but even if it wasn't for them I could've told. There was just something about him that screamed '_selfless_' at me. My gaze moves to his head. It is covered in dark hair that by the time he reaches fifty will no longer be there. Blue eyes shine with excitement as he lectures us about today's events.

''Now with further ado I want you to listen closely.'' His eyes drop onto a clipboard he holds in his hands; hands that seem to never have seen hard work.

I give a scoff under my breath. Abnegation has it easy; the only thing they do is sit in their bureaus and wait for work. They don't have to worry about a single thing for it is us in Amity that provides everyone with food. We have to grow acres of food so the other factions can survive. If it wasn't for us none of them would survive.

''I am going to call out ten names at a time.'' He begins his voice raspy. ''After I call your name I want you to stand up and walk towards the simulation rooms. Then you are going to be supervised by someone that is not of your faction.'' There is a mumble of 'yes' around me and I cannot help but nod my head.

''_Alana Ami_,'' My ears go deaf as I hear my named being called out. I am first to go into the simulation room.

My heart beat starts to pick up again. I fear that with where this is going, I will suffer from a heart disease. With numb legs I stand up and make my way towards the simulation room. As I walk down the hallway it feels like every pair of eyes are set on my walking form. _Don't back down Alana. Keep your chin high and show them who you really are. _My chin rises into air as I throw my hair over my shoulder. I am not going to let them bring me down with their hawk like stare. Before I know it I stand in front of the door that separates me from the simulation room. I feel my heart beat pick up yet again. The steel door opens and I am greeted by a young blond that ushers me into the room. I face white walls that glow in different shades of orange from the soft glow the few lights give off. The room itself is small and the only thing it beholds is a chair, which reminds me of the ones they have at the dentist, and a computer that is attached to the chair by thick and long wires. My gaze falls to the right and I am met by the soft look by my reflection. As quick as I looked I look away. The girl in front of me smiles at me. Her blond hair is pulled back into a twisted bun that sits low in her neck. She is wearing a black sweater that reveals some of her cleavage. It also exposes bits of black inking that sits on her left collar bone. I refrain myself from asking what the three ravens mean and sit on the chair.

''I thought it was only those Abnegation members that have problems with mirrors, but now it seems like an Amity as well.'' Her voice is clear as she takes me in. she gives me a smile but I feel like she has insulted me just then. Her smile fades as she types something into the electronic device in front of her. ''I'm Tris by the way. I am going to supervise your aptitude test.'' Her smile is back on her face.

She attaches a few wires to my forehead and then turns back to the computer. She types something in. I cannot see what it is. Her fingers, as long as they are, type fast, making it impossible for me to make out what she is doing. She smiles yet again and turns her attention back to me. In her hand she holds a shot glass filled with some strange blue liquid. I am uncertain to drink it as she hands me the clear glass. My fingers encircle to cool surface of the material and I try not to drop it as my hands begin to shake. _Get a grip Alana!_ I roll my eyes at my silliness and look at the blue liquid again. I hesitate before I close my eyes. Taking in a deep breath I bring the glass to my lips and down the shot in one quick motion. I throw my head back as the cold liquid eases down the burning of my throat. I taste nothing and I cannot help but feel disappointed as it doesn't leave a taste behind. My head starts to spin as the liquid settles in. My hand reaches out to hold it, to calm it even but it feels like my arms weigh a ton and I cannot move them.

Looking down I can see two bowls placed in front of me. The right one beholds a gun as the left one had a block of cheese in it. My eyes furrow as I take the two objects in. They don't even fit together and I cannot for the love of god figure out what I am supposed to do with them. My gaze travels from one bowl to the other. Then it moves around the room; it is covered in mirrors and I see millions of girls that look like me stare back at me.

'_Choose_' the voice is cold and high as it reaches out to me. My head snaps around trying to find the source of the voice.

My eyes soon settle on the mirrors that behold millions of copies of me. One of mentioned copies looks straight back at me and I find myself moving forward. Her gaze looks cold and I have to stop and think for a minute if this really was me. She definitely looks like me but her behavior seems odd. '_Choose_' she repeats and before I can ask the bowl in front of me glow in anticipation. I keep looking at the objects and before I can reach out they vanish. My mind goes into frenzy as I think of what had happened. I don't know if I need one of the objects. What if my life depends on me having chosen one of the objects? I am interrupted when I hear the sound of a bark echo through the mirror filled room. Fearing the worst I don't turn around, my mind screaming at me to run; and so I follow my instincts and run. I run from something that is following me. I don't have to look behind me to know that it is a dog. Its paws are heavy on the ground and I can feel each step vibrate though my body as I run. With another bark I lay on my front. The dog jumped on top of me, causing me to fall. A scream ripples through my lungs and I feel like crying. This surely must be the end of me. Silent tears run down my cheeks as I wait for the dog to make its bait. Soft whimpers are being heard as I curl into a small ball. My breath hitches as I feel something wet nudge me in the face. It could've been my tears but I am not sure right now. Opening my eyes I stare into a pair of dark orbs as the lay beside me on the ground. The sudden closeness makes me shriek back and let out a small scream. The dog in front of me whimpers yet another time and crawls toward me. I can feel my heart melting as I see it the small puppy make its way toward me, big eyes, filled with hope and love, looking up at me. My eyes soften as I reach for it. My hand curl around the softness of its small body and I pick it up. It yelps in joy as I face it and begins to lick my face. I break out into a fit of giggles as I feel the wet tongue caress my cheeks as if to wash away the tears that fell. A giggle that is not my own interrupts our session and I look up.

''Doggy!''

A small girl, merely the age of four is facing us. Her brown hair is curled and pulled into two long ponytails that reach her waist. Her blue eyes shine with excitement as she claps her hands and calls out for the puppy again. Her giggles fill the room and I can see her make her way towards us. Her red and yellow attire assures me that she is from Amity. ''Doggy!'' she yells and I can feel the puppy tense up in my arms. The sudden sound of growling sounds through the room and I can feel the puppy shift in my arms. I hold tight not letting it go. ''Everything is okay.'' I assure the little thing and run my hands over its soft forehead. The growling stops and the puppy turns to lick over my face again. By now the little girl has reached us and is still reaching for the soft fur of the puppy. Reluctantly I hand the ball of fur over and witness her soft squealing as she pets over its body. The puppy yaws and snuggles up into the girl. Before I can cherish the moment a bit more I can see the scene changing.

I am sitting in a filled bus. The air reeks of sweat and I have to refrain myself from emptying the content of my stomach on the floor. The window above me is open but it does not help to ease the stickiness and unease I feel as I take everything around me in. The lady in front of me is dragging pull after pull from her cigarette and I have to refrain myself from calling out to her. The boy behind me is kicking against the back of my chair causing me to launch forward every now and then. It is when I see a man beside me that I become fully aware. Without thinking I stand up and offer the man my seat. He was an old man with gray hair on top of his rotting head. His body is small and slightly arches as he stands. His hands shake when he proceeds to sit. He opens the newspaper that lay in his lap and begins to read away. Looking at the front page I can see a familiar face covering it.

''Do you know this man?'' The man asks, his voice timid and almost breaking. I shake my head.

''I'm sorry I don't.'' The man nods before he turns back to his newspaper.

''Are you sure you do not know him?'' The old man speaks up again. This time his voice is a lot louder than before. I shriek back as I didn't expect him to attack me like this. His eyes narrow as he takes in my posture. ''If you know him you have to tell me! You could save my life with this.''

Seeing as the man is screaming at me for no apparent reason I can feel myself becoming angry. How dare he question me when I already told him that I don't know the man? Expressing my feelings I can see him sink into his seat. His gaze softens and I almost feel bad for screaming at him.

''I am dearly sorry, dear.'' His voice is soft and before I can react I can feel the scene changing again.

I awake from the simulation. My head spins and I have to grip the seat for support. I look around me and see Tris furiously typing away on her little computer. Her gaze is fixed on the screen and I can see a glare forming as she watches the device with certain determination. Minutes pass without any of us acknowledging the fact that I had woken from the trance I had been put under. The typing suddenly stops and I am faced my harsh blue eyes. They immediately soften and a smile overtakes Tris's feminine features. But I see past it. Behind the smile I can see the longing frown building up. She is worried and I don't know if I should feel worried.

''Is something wrong?'' My voice is raspy and I have to clear my throat and repeat my question.

Tris's eyes narrow at me face and then she said something I would have never expected to hear. Her voice is so small that I sat for a second not knowing if I had caught the words correctly or if my mind was playing tricks on me.

''_Your test result is inconclusive_.''


	3. Chapter 3

Inconclusive?

''Wait, what do you mean by inconclusive?'' My confused stare meets hers.

We stand in silence as she decides to choose her next words carefully. As she speaks, I can sense that she is not fully convinced herself.

''It means that I don't know where to put you.'' He voice is as confused as I look. ''Not choosing the block of cheese or the gun, it ruled out Abnegation, Dauntless and Amity. Then you ran from the dog, proving once again that Dauntless isn't for you. But then you curled your form into a ball so that the dog would see that you are showing signs of submission. It showed that you hold traits for Erudite in you.''

She takes a breath before she continues.

''After I have seen the interaction between you and the little girl I had to take Amity and Abnegation into consideration again. This made things even harder and I had to alter the simulation. In the bus you told the old man that you did not know the person on the cover, yet you told him that he looked familiar to you. This ruled Candor out but held Erudite in the game. Then you scolded him for being rude to you. You stood up for yourself, which is something that members of Dauntless would and members of Abnegation and Amity wouldn't do.'' Her brows furrow as she looks helplessly at the screen of her computer. She gives a grim smile before she turns to look at me again.

''B- but how can that be possible?'' The air around me seems to tighten and I have sudden difficulties with breathing. My hands start to sweat and I can feel the sun colored dress stick to the outline of my figure. Helplessly I look at Tris and hope that she can help me. I hope that she can tell me why I fit in all the faction but at the same time I fit in none of them.

She walks around the room for quite a while and I am left to watch her as she thinks of something that would make both our lives a little bit easier. She suddenly stops, the blond curls swirling around her head as she turns to face me.

''Don't worry, dear.'' She starts. Even now I feel the sorrow in her voice. ''I'll just put your result in manually. Nobody will ever know what happens in here.'' She takes my hand and brings me to the back door.

''Leave through this door. If anybody asks just tell them you have become sick in the middle of the simulation and I had to send you home. Promise me that you won't talk about your test result with anybody. Your life could depend on it.''

My body lurches forward as she pushes me out the door. My hair flies in the wind as I turn to face her. The confusion and need of help is written into my eyes as I look at her.

''But what about tomorrow?'' My voice drips with frustration. ''What will I decide on when my test results are inconclusive?''

The pushing stops and I left to stand at the door and wait for her to answer to my question. Seconds pass but they feel like hours. Like days. Like years. I don't know for you long we have been standing there when suddenly her voice rings through the room and through my ears. She smiles and lays a reassuring hand on mine.

''Amity.''

That is it. That is all she tells me before the door is shut in my face. I stand for a second and contemplate if I should go ahead and knock. Surely, this cannot be it. There must be more than that. More than just one word! More than three syllable! After minutes I am still standing in front of the closed door. My hand is still raised, stuck in mid-air, still deciding if I should bring up the courage to knock or not. Millions of questions run through my head as I hold my breath. _What are you going to do, Alana? What will you choose?_ I need answers; now! Defeated, my hand retreats from its former position and lowers to the side of my figure. I give a sigh before I turn to leave. My head feels heavy on top of my neck. I wish somebody was here to take the burden off my shoulders. Another sigh escapes my lips. I walk down the endless amounts of hallways before I can finally see the outside of the school. Met by grey stones I wrap my arms around myself before I abandon the school edifice. I don't dare to look around as I make my way towards Amity fields. Too scared that people might judge me for my inconclusive test results, I keep my head down in shame. It is ridiculous; nobody knows of my results. Nobody but Tris, but she didn't bother to help me in my time of distress. How am I to help if I can't even talk of my problems? I stop to sit on one of the many benches in the park in front of our school. Seeing an elderly Abnegation couple, I smile. They had gone through all, of what was still expecting me.

''Is everything alright, dear?''

I turn to face the sudden noise. I come to face an older Abnegation man sitting next to me. He gives me a bright smile as his eyes sparkle with wisdom, only people that had lived long hold. His hand stretches out to take mine. I can feel my eyes widen the slightest bit but before I can snatch my hand away he tightens his grip on it. Ok?

''I have seen the way you walked out of school with your mind somewhere else. You did not even acknowledge me until the very second I cleared my throat.'' His voice is kind and I find it hard not to resist from telling him all my problems. ''I have been in your position a long time ago. I know very well what you are going through right now; even if you would like to deny that.''

The man takes a deep breath before he continues. ''You don't have to answer me but do me a favor and just hear me out. When I was your age, thousands of years ago,-'' My face lights up with a smile. ''I thought that everything would come to me. I thought I would go in there and ace the aptitude test. But guess what. Eventhough I did get a result, I wasn't so sure if that was the choice I wanted to make. Something inside me just told me to not follow their decision. I thought about it all the way I went home that day, wondering what I was going to do about it. But I couldn't come up with anything that would satisfy everybody around me.'' He stops to take another breath.

''So the next day I went back in there for the Choosing Ceremony,-'' He chuckles. ''Boy was I nervous back then. I still remember the wetness on my hands and the beating of my heart in my ears. It all felt so surreal and I thought I would explode any minute or just break down. There just was too much pressure laid upon my shoulders. It wasn't until I had decided and had through the initiation that I realized something very important. ''

My eyes look up to meet his. His grey orbs sparkle as he thinks back to his youth; a time that he could only revisit in his memories.

''People might tell you what to do. They will try to push you into certain direction to satisfy their wishes and beliefs. Don't let that get to you. This aptitude test is based on facts. It will tell you where to go by stating different facts that do not make happy all the time.''

His wrinkly hand gives mine a squeeze.

''Do me a favor tomorrow. When you are called to stand in front of the bowls, be reminded of my words. It is okay to be selfish but still wanting to be in Abnegation. You don't have to be utterly smart to belong to Erudite or idiotically brave to be in Dauntless. It is okay to want to be in Amity, even if you are not the most chipper person. And you sure as hell don't have to be honest all the time to belong to Candor. Mark my words dear. Sometimes it is better to just ignore what other people tell you to do and just listen to what your heart says.''

Before I can open to speak the man stands up and walks away, slowly I might add. I cannot help but sit and look at his retreating figure. Who knew that one small conversation could help me with my situation? Sure, it didn't make my problems vanish but it helped, somewhat.

Another heavy escapes my lips before I proceed to stand from my spot on the bench. I dust of the skirt of my dress and walk towards the bus station. In the bus I sit next to Candor woman with a child on her lap. I smile at the view as the baby body makes funny faces at me. As the sign above tells me that I have reached Amity Fields, I begin to gather my stuff and walk towards the door. Once the bust stops I press the button and walk off, towards home. I greet as many people as possible on my way there, making sure that I smile with everything I do; just as it is expected of me to do.

I call out as I walk into the little house we call our home. Mother is sitting in her usual spot, knitting sweaters and sewing dresses for other Amity members. She smiles at me from her seat but does not stop her work.

''How was it?'' She asks as I sit next to her, her eyes never leaving the fabric in her hands.

''You know we are not allowed to talk about our test results, mum.'' I remind her before I make myself comfortable. ''But it was, - '' I stop not knowing how to describe it. ''different.''

''Really?'' She begins. ''I heard that somebody got sick and had to leave early because of that.'' I nod my head but don't say anything else, too tired and exhausted to say something.

We fall into silence again. Her knitting doesn't stop as I stand to walk into the kitchen again. The pressure on my shoulders does not cease throughout the day. Not as I make myself food. Not as I get ready for bed and not as I lay in bed overthinking my decision. If only I could give this task to somebody else. Somebody that is ready to face what is to come. Somebody that isn't me. But I fear that it is not as easy as that.

I give another sigh before I close my eyes and prepare myself for tomorrow. No matter what will happen, I know that I will choose what is right. Nothing or nobody is going to stop me.


End file.
